In order to gain hold of the holy light, you must first download some type of install disks for Debian.
There are a few different ways to go about this. If you have a cd burner and are able to boot from cd, your best move would be to grab a cd image, burn it, and install from there. If your burdened with having to use floppies, you'll want to grab a set of the latest boot floppies.
More info can be found at the offical Debian CD-ROM FAQ
My favorite install is the minimal boot cd install. You can find more info plus links to images to download from a more offical source here.
Yee, poor lad.
Actually, it's not all that bad. There is a pretty simple guide on the debian site for that aswell. Basicly, you'll just need the first few floppies so that you can get you computer up and online, and then from there you can do the rest of the install from the network. It's possible to do the entire install from 2 floppies which isn't so bad now is it? You can find the floppy install guide here.
...and yes, I know. This isn't a very helpful install guide, but god damnit it's something!